So lots of my friends and students came back with the response of "Arkansas?!?!" when I told them I was going to be taking a new job here at the U of A. And for those of you wonder, I really did get the whole "Do they wear shoes in Arkansas?" question. This Connecticut Yankee wasn't going to King Arthur's court, but was going to be moving to the "south" and wondering if I had made the right decision back in May.
But in my heart I knew I had. I knew I would miss my students and friends at NIU and my church family at Bethlehem. I knew I would miss the area that I had spent the last eight years of my life (Chicagoland). I knew I would miss my best friends from grad school and their newborn son (who really were the first friends I had that I could say I loved as a brother and a sister). But it was time for a change. I don't know what it was, and you probably would never notice it from my outward appearance, but I was going through a very dark time in my life. I questioned everything I did. Did I make the right choice dropping out of Music Ed and going into Student Affairs? Should I have gone to seminary instead? Not many people know and this is really the first time I'm putting it out there, but during my job search season, I must have cried myself to sleep at least once or twice a week. I had found out a day prior to leaving for The Placement Exchange in Philadelphia that my Grandmother had been moved to Hospice, and I knew what that meant. I lost my Grandmother right at the end of The Placement Exchange (thankfully, placement was in Philly and didn't take me too long to get up to Connecticut from Philly. Thus further proof that God works in mysterious ways). I had let things get out of control with my weight and my health. Though I never saw a psychiatrist, there was a time where I probably could have been diagnosed with serious depression. I probably gained close to 100-150 pounds (only continuing a trend I started in college). I could easily finish a large McNugget meal, and two McDoubles and still be a bit hungry (and have something similarly as enormous for dinner as well). Oh, I also had to deal with a landlord who the bank was ready to forclose on the condo I was renting and felt like a rag doll being pulled between landlord and bank.
This is not saying my time at NIU was horrible or not worth while. I learned so many things about myself. I knew I had made the right decision going into student affairs as a vocational choice. I think having my father as a pastor, I will always have that little nagging thought in the back of my mind of why I didn't go into the ministry and get ordained, but I really do know that's not for me. I made many connections, friends, and mentors while at NIU that I hope I will remain close with throughout my career in student affairs. I was a part of a church community that not only welcomed me with open arms and forgave my shortcomings, but also welcomed my parents whenever they came to visit. Bethlehem Lutheran Church, you truly were the first church that I considered "mine". You were the first church I was a member at where I wasn't "Pastor Beaver's son", but rather, my parents were "Mike's parents". I had
But enough about the past. As I was in the darkest part of my life (having just been rejected for a job I thought I had aced the interview for), I got a phone call that started the upward journey for me (Thanks Felisha!). While trying to put my life back in order (thankfully my dad was visiting since he was out in the area for Valpo's Liturgical Institute), I got the call for the offer to come on campus here at UofA. And when I stepped foot off the plane at XNA, I started to wonder, "really?" Mind you, I had been coming from "hub" airports of Midway and O'Hare, and this regional airport certainly wasn't either of those.
But then we came to Fayetteville, and I stepped onto campus for the first time (checking into Carnall Hall), and I was set. I knew this would be a great day and a half of interviewing. I had great interviews and really liked all the staff I met with, but then I had lunch with students. From the first time I met this awesome group of student leaders (one of which I'm lucky enough to work with on my staff), I was sold. This truly was the kind of institution I knew I wanted to be at for my next job. The one criteria I had for my next school was that I needed a school where students were proud to go there, and wanted to be there. Well, I can tell you, these students bled red and white. They were Arkansas Razorbacks through and through, and you could tell they really wanted to be there, no doubt about it. I finished up the rest of my day interviewing, and flew back to O'Hare, and talked non-stop to my parents about campus, the students, and everyone I had met on the hour drive back to Cortland from O'Hare (don't worry, I followed Illinois state law and was on my bluetooth the entire ride). About a week or so later, I saw the 479 number come up on my caller id and got the offer to come work at the UofA. My hands were literally shaking as I told Felisha that I didn't even need any time, I was coming to work in Razorback country. I could barely get my hands to stop shaking enough to hangup the phone and call my parents.
Of course the next few weeks were tough and hectic with wrapping up reports for my current job, emailing I/NHQs that I would no longer be the Greek Advisor and where to send questions after I had left, making sure people knew how to run reports, etc. And of course it was sad, saying goodbye to everyone, having a sending service at church (the time I finally broke down and cried about leaving).
But then it was time to move. I thank my parents for helping me finish packing and moving me and all my stuff the 10 hours from Cortland, IL to Fayetteville, AR in my CRV and a UHaul. I started moving in and was truly blessed with an amazing apartment, an awesome CRE buddy, and right off the bat, I knew that I had an amazing and talented group of coworkers and supervisors to work with. I knew I had made the right decision. Things started turning around for me.
After the hecticness of move in (my ResLife and Student Affairs friends know this all too well), I went to the doctor for the first time in 8 or 9 years. Of course, the things he told me weren't too surprising to me. Borderline High Blood Pressure. Yup, runs in the family. Bad Cholesterol high. Yup, not a surprise there either (runs in the family too). Overweight. Yup, I had looked in a mirror just that morning. For some reason, that doctor's visit was just the motivation I needed to push me over the edge on a journey back to life. 1500 calorie diet? Sounds tough, but ok, if that's what it's going to take. That was the day I stopped feeling sorry for myself and hating those people that had good bodies and said "that could be me". From that day forward, I gave up all soda and calorie filled drinks period (and yes, after about a week, this included diet sodas as well).
I also did two other things during my first few months in Fayetteville that turned my life around as well. I started attending Good Shepherd Lutheran Church. While the only ELCA church within probably 30 minutes of campus (a far cry from the three or four choices I had in DeKalb/Sycamore), that didn't matter as it truly was a place where I felt home, and with a pastor that went out of his way to welcome me to the church and community (Thanks PC!). I was invited to start playing in the Bell Choir, something I had done at my old church, and started developing the relationships I needed to create work/life balance. I've also started getting more involved with being on the call/exploration committee for a new ministries project we're working towards.
I've also adopted a mini-schnauzer mix named Simone (the shelter named her, and I was too indecisive to pick another name) whom I fell in love with the first time I saw her at the shelter. Minus the occasional pooping and peeing in the apartment, I couldn't ask for a better dog. She doesn't bark (great for living on campus in a residence hall), and for the most part, is very well behaved and friendly. Plus, I feel great because I saved her from the shelter, something I had been wanting to do for years.
Here's something I haven't done probably ever. I'm disclosing my weight to someone other than my parents or my doctor. I went to the doctor back in September and weighed in at a whopping 381 pounds. I'm happy to report that today, I have come down to 313 pounds, two pounds away from 70 pounds lost. I'm nowhere near I want to be (I'm thinking a healthy 220-230 pounds is probably good, as long as my body fat percentage is healthy). How have I done it? I haven't used any "miracle diet pills" or fad diets. Just a "simple" 1500 calorie/day diet and tracking calories on my iphone, and I started going to the gym in November and a week after starting going to the gym, I started working with a personal trainer. Already, I can feel I'm stronger, and a totally different person today than I was when I moved to Fayetteville. Who would have thought that I would be the one who would feel horrible for missing a day at the gym? Certainly not I. In addition to the "Scale" victories I have, I've had lots of non scale victories as well. For the first time in years, I bought a pair of jeans off the rack in Old Navy. I fit into the suit that I wore to interview for grad school. I've dropped pant sizes and shirt sizes. I have more energy in the day.
So when people ask me "Arkansas?! Really?!" I can say absolutely. No matter what school I work at, I'll always cheer for the Hogs. I've started calling Fayetteville "Home". Arkansas, in a way, has saved me from myself, and I could even say, has saved my life. It will always have a piece of my heart, no matter where I go.
Ok, enough sappyness. I'm off to watch "The Golden Girls."
